he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
