Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
