OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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