My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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