You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
