We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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