this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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