Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hippo gnu deer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
