My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
