hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
