Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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