About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
