Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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