he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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