so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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