My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize