wanna go halves on a baby?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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