I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Even my vagina gasped.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
