Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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