Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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