I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
