been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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