Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
