apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
