some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
