Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
