make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize