The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
