A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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