this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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