some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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