Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
