So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
