with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
