it hurts more in the daytime
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
