I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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