It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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