how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
