i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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