my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
