the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
