WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
