Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
