Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
