Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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