I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
