we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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