My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
