so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
