I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so explain again why im purple
no
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
