Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
