accomplished twins. life is a go
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
