Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
