Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize