So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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