Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize