I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
