Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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