Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
its liver damage thursday
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