A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
