She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
