Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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