i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
