did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
