my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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