were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
