never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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