Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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