SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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