I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
