Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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