I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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