Sponge bath it is.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
