3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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