i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
