And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
