Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
