Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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