he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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