I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize