it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
